When Unstructured Time Becomes a Comparison Trap

Winter break seems like it should be relaxing, but for many teens and young adults, the sudden loss of daily structure without classes, practices, or clubs can actually create a vacuum for anxiety. Some mental space is healthy. Downtime allows the mind to wander, reset, and recover. The problem is what often rushes to fill in that space.When schedules slow down, scrolling often becomes the default activity, turning free time into a comparison trap. The brain often uses highly edited online snapshots as “evidence” to construct stories about social standing and belonging. Because the brain naturally tries to fill in missing information, it can convince a young person that everyone else is having a “better” break, spiraling quickly into loneliness and self-criticism.

The Cycle of Social Media Anxiety

For young people, the drive to belong is developmentally hard-wired. Their brains are wired to prioritize social connection and peer approval, which can make the silence of school break feel more jarring than it does for adults. When this developmental need combines with existing worry or self-doubt, social media can trigger a cycle that feels hard to escape.

At InStride, we help young people understand how their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors connect and feed off of one another. During break, a single post can trigger a chain reaction, such as:

• The Situation: Seeing a photo of friends hanging out without you.
• The Thought: “They did that on purpose” or “Nobody actually likes me.”
• The Feeling: This thought triggers emotions and physical sensations like sadness, shame, stomach dropping, and chest tightness. 
• The Behavior: Withdrawing from your family, isolating, or continuing to scroll to “check” for more evidence of being left out.

This cycle reinforces itself. The more the young person scrolls, the more evidence they find to “support” the unhelpful thoughts, and the worse they feel. What starts as a simple check of Instagram can quickly become a heavy weight that drags down the entire day.

How to Break the Cycle

Breaks from school don’t have to be defined by comparison or self-doubt. An important step in breaking unhelpful patterns with social media is building awareness: learning to slow down and understand how thoughts, feelings, and behaviors influence one another.

At InStride Health, we help teens pause long enough to notice how their internal experiences connect: how a specific thought (like “I’m missing out”) triggers a feeling (anxiety), which then creates a behavioral urge (to check Instagram). When young people understand this chain, they gain more flexibility in how they respond, rather than feeling stuck on autopilot. They also learn to tolerate uncomfortable feelings like anxiety or boredom without using social media as an automatic escape hatch. And when the urge to check or scroll shows up, they practice pausing to ask whether that action actually aligns with their values.

Here’s how we help them put this into practice:

• Building Awareness: Instead of scrolling on autopilot, the first step is simply paying attention. We encourage young people to pause before opening an app and ask themself, “What am I feeling right now? Am I bored, lonely, anxious?” Awareness also means noticing the impact afterward. We might ask, “After 20 minutes of scrolling, did your mood improve or worsen?” This builds the ability to distinguish between using social media for enjoyment versus using it to avoid discomfort.
• Connecting to Values: Another key step is checking in with what matters. School breaks offer a natural opportunity for young people to reflect on what they want this time to stand for: connection, creativity, rest, fun. When young people clarify their values, they can use them as a compass. They might ask, “Does spending the next hour on TikTok move me toward my value of connection, or away from it?”
• Responding to Thoughts: Rather than trying to eliminate certain thoughts, we help young people change their relationship to them. They practice noticing what their brain is saying and labeling unhelpful thoughts as mental events, not facts. A thought like “I’m being left out” becomes something they can observe, not automatically believe or act on. This shift reduces the power those thoughts have to drive behavior.
• Making Small, Intentional Behavioral Changes: Finally, they choose how to respond. This isn’t about deleting every app – it’s about making small shifts that better align behavior with values. For example:

• • Purposefully sitting with an uncomfortable feeling for a few minutes, rather than reaching for a device
  • Looking at a post without checking who viewed it
  • Setting the phone down for a period of time when the urge to refresh is strong
  • Posting a photo without perfecting every detail

These moments teach the brain something critical: uncomfortable feelings are tolerable and temporary and don’t have to control behavior. In addition, young people can start to notice and understand the impact that these small behavior changes have on their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors over time.

Building a Healthier Relationship with Social Media

The goal isn’t to avoid social media entirely. It’s about using it in a way that feels intentional rather than automatic. With awareness, practice, and support, young people can build a more grounded relationship with online spaces. They can learn to pause when comparison shows up, recognize the stories their brains are telling them, and make choices that honor their values rather than their fears.

Breaks from school don’t have to be defined by comparison or self-doubt. With the right skills, and a compassionate understanding of how the mind works, young people can approach social media with confidence and clarity, staying connected to what matters most, both online and offline.